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New Parents

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KEY POINTS

  • Being the parent of a new baby is a big responsibility. It is normal to not always know what to do. While learning how to care for your baby, chances are you will feel unsure of yourself, tired, overwhelmed, and maybe a little frustrated. Be patient and find out what works best for you.
  • There are classes through your local hospitals and clinics that you can take to help you learn about caring for your new baby. Baby books and websites for new parents can give you tips about newborn care. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from trusted relatives or friends.

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Being the parent of a new baby is a big responsibility. It is normal to not always know what to do. While learning how to care for your baby, chances are you will feel unsure of yourself, overwhelmed, and maybe a little frustrated. Watch others, ask questions, and find out what works best for you.

There are classes through your local hospitals and clinics that you can take to help you learn about caring for your new baby. Baby books and websites for new parents can give you tips about newborn care. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from trusted relatives or friends. However, it's OK to try something different if the advice does not work for you. Each baby is different, and you are different parents than your family member or friend. If you are worried about your baby’s health, talk with your healthcare provider.

Showing your baby love and affection through feeding, holding, cuddling, playing, and diaper changing helps your baby feel secure. Babies learn about the world through their senses. Holding your baby gently but firmly helps him or her feel secure. You may worry your baby is fragile or that you will drop him or her. Don’t let your fears keep you from enjoying your baby. Close contact with your baby lets him or her know and trust you. Meeting your baby's needs also builds your confidence in your parenting skills.

Settling in

  • You may want to take parental leave if it is available to you. Remember there are few things at work that can’t wait, but your child is only a newborn once. Both parents may want to take leave for a week or two after mom and baby get home from the hospital.
  • Work with your partner to figure out how to share chores and how to take care of your baby. Ask family members or friends to help with shopping, cleaning, or cooking, if needed. Let others help you with chores rather than trying to do everything yourself.
  • Holding and talking to your baby and making eye contact increases the attachment you and your baby feel for one another.
  • Sharing your partner’s attention with your new baby may leave little time for each other. At times, it may feel like you’re no longer a couple. Try to have someone care for your baby occasionally so you can make time for each other. It helps to connect with each other now and then, even if it’s just to take a 10-minute walk together.

Health

  • Most newborns need to eat and be changed and comforted every 2 to 3 hours, even at night. You may not get a complete night’s sleep for several months. Get as much rest as you can. You need sleep to restore your energy. Nap when your baby does.
  • Take care of yourself. Try to eat a variety of healthy foods. Stay physically active as advised by your healthcare provider, even though your schedule may be thrown off. Ten minutes of walking or other activity can be a good start. Even though your baby is now your priority, still make time to do things that you like. Taking care of yourself helps you relax, stay fit, and take care of your baby.

Support

  • When you are focused on being a new parent, it can be hard to “be there” for friends. You still need your friends, and they still need you. Spend time with them when you have the time and energy. Share what’s going on in each other’s lives. Friends can help you stay balanced.
  • Friends take time and energy—both of which are in short supply after you become a parent. Parenting may affect your friendships, especially during your baby's first couple of years. While caring for your newborn, it’s helpful to be around other new fathers and mothers who may be going through many of the same things. You could join a parenting support group or find friends who also have small children.
  • Babies’ financial needs, such as delivery costs, health care, diapers, and clothing, can add up quickly. These costs usually increase as your baby grows. You might want to talk with a financial planner about how to take care of your family now and in the future.

Sex

  • New parents tend to get less sleep because of the baby's sleep schedule. It's also stressful trying to protect and care for your baby, along with your usual daily activities. You may feel like there's no energy left for sex. In addition, a woman's body needs time to physically recover after giving birth. It’s normal for a mother’s sexual desire to be low in the first weeks or even months after the baby arrives. Be patient.
  • Sex can be a way to help relieve stress and remind you that you are still a couple. Take it a step at a time. Try to go to bed together at the same time. Talk with each other about the changes you are both going through and how to support each other. Even if you're too tired for sex, take time for touching and feeling connected. It may help to schedule time for the two of you. For example, “I’m too tired now, how about we set a date for Saturday night?” Hire a sitter or leave your baby with a family member or friend and go out with your partner.
  • A woman can get pregnant again just weeks after giving birth, even if breastfeeding. Using birth control gives your body time to recover and gives you time to enjoy your new baby.

Emotions

The emotions of being a new parent range from joy to panic. If you feel frustrated, depressed, angry, or otherwise unable to take care of yourself or your baby, talk with someone. It may be helpful to talk with your partner, family member, friend, a counselor, or your healthcare provider. If you ever feel like shaking or hurting your baby, stop, put him or her in a safe place, and take a quiet break to calm yourself. Call a family member or friend for support or to take care of your baby for a little while. NEVER hurt or shake a baby.

Some women feel sad or weepy at some point during baby’s first year, often referred to as the “baby blues”. This is caused by hormone swings, lack of sleep, and lifestyle changes. For most women these baby blues are mild and go away within a few weeks. Depression related to pregnancy and childbirth lasts longer, is more severe, and makes it hard to manage your daily tasks. It may be called postpartum depression. Symptoms may include:

  • Feeling unable or unwilling to care for your baby
  • Thinking often about bad things that could happen to your baby or feeling like you want to hurt yourself or your baby
  • Trouble bonding with your baby
  • Being irritable
  • Having trouble falling asleep, waking up very early, or sleeping more than usual
  • Feeling overwhelmed by everyday activities such as taking a shower or doing laundry
  • Having a decreased appetite or eating too much
  • Feeling very tired
  • Losing interest in sex
  • Feeling worthless and guilty
  • Feeling fearful or panicked
  • Not being able to concentrate or remember things
  • Feeling hopeless or just not caring about anything
  • Having unexplained pain or headaches
  • Worrying that you’re a bad mother and you will never feel better

If you have any of these symptoms and they don’t go away within a couple weeks, it’s important to get treatment as soon as possible.

Developed by Change Healthcare.
Pediatric Advisor 2022.2 published by Change Healthcare.
Last modified: 2022-01-03
Last reviewed: 2019-06-03
This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information is intended to inform and educate and is not a replacement for medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.
© 2022 Change Healthcare LLC and/or one of its subsidiaries
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