Anger Management for Parents

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KEY POINTS

• Anger is a natural emotion. But anger that is out of control can be dangerous for your child and for others.
• You can learn healthy ways to deal with anger. It may help to take a time-out, try to calm yourself with deep breathing and self-talk, or do something physical such as walking, jogging, or bicycling.
• If you are afraid that you will hit, shake, or otherwise hurt your child, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

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What is anger?

Anger is a natural emotion. It’s often a response to feeling threatened, mistreated, or blocked from reaching a goal. Anger can be healthy when it gives energy to correct wrongs. But anger that is out of control can be dangerous for your child and for others.

Being a parent is a tough job. It can be stressful and lasts 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Stresses such as job, marriage, or money seem worse when you have a crying baby who does not sleep much. Babies and young children are demanding. This can be hard to deal with, especially if you have no one to turn to for a break from the kids. Relatives may live far away, and you may not know neighbors well enough to ask for help.

Many parents feel angry when they are stressed. When there are serious problems within a family, everyone in the family may feel angry much of the time. The anger can become a big problem, and guilt about it can add to the problem. Most people who hit a child in anger feel more stress than they can handle.

What is anger management?

Managing anger does not mean that you never feel angry or that you hold in your anger and never express it. Learning to manage anger means:

• Knowing what triggers your anger and avoiding those things if you can
• Being aware that you are getting angry
• Finding healthy ways to deal with your anger

Healthy ways to deal with anger include:

• Take a time out. Take time to cool down. Go for a walk or into another room for 5 to 15 minutes.
• Distract yourself. Do something physical such as walking, jogging, or bicycling Listening to music and singing along can also be a good distraction. Think about something funny or silly. Sometimes thinking of something silly when angry is just enough to break the anger and help you to think more calmly about the problem.
• Practice relaxation techniques.
  • Take several deep, slow breaths.
  • Relax all muscles in one group at a time starting with the forehead and scalp muscles, then the jaws, the neck, and so on.
  • Imagine a comforting or pleasant scene.
  • Delay your responses. Count to 10, or to 50. Use self talk, such as by telling yourself that you don’t have to let this bother you, that it will pass, or that it’s not a big deal.
  • Express feelings in words. Use "I" statements to describe how you feel, such as telling someone why you feel angry or disappointed, rather than blaming the other person for how you feel. Practice saying what you need in a calm and respectful way without shouting or cursing.
  • Talk about it. Talking with a trusted friend, family member, healthcare provider, or counselor about life stresses can help you calm down. Contact your healthcare provider if you feel angry or tense much of the time or if your temper is causing problems for your family or at work.

If you are afraid that you or someone else will hit, shake, or otherwise hurt your child, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. You can get in touch with a local support group in your area by contacting:

• Parents Anonymous
  909-621-6184
  https://parentsanonymous.org/