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Sexual Abuse: Protect Your Child

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KEY POINTS

  • Sexual abuse is the kind of touching that your child does not want, does not understand, or cannot consent to. Sexual abuse also includes seeing dirty pictures or social media comments that make your child uncomfortable. Tell your child to tell you if anyone asks your child to do anything that makes he or she feel “funny,” “yucky,” or “icky.” Let your child know that he or she can say "no" to being touched by anyone, even a family member or another child.
  • Don’t leave your child with adults you do not trust. Screen babysitters, day care providers, and preschools.
  • Reassure your child that he or she can tell you if anything bad happens and that your child won’t get in trouble. Help your child feel safe and protected.

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Sexual abuse is the kind of touching that your child does not want, does not understand, or cannot consent to. Sexual abuse also includes seeing dirty pictures or social media comments that make your child uncomfortable.

Sexual abuse can happen to both boys and girls. Most sexual abusers are people that you and your child already know. They are most often family members, friends, coaches, church members, and caretakers rather than strangers.

Make sure you know what adults and older children are doing when they are with your child.

Be cautious of adults who:

  • Spend large amounts of time with children if it is not part of their job
  • Flirt with your child
  • Make your child uncomfortable or are people your child tries to avoid
  • Have drug or alcohol use disorder problems
  • Abuse their spouses
  • Have been convicted of a previous sexual offense

Don’t leave your child with adults you do not trust, even if your lack of trust is "just a feeling."

Support your child's right to say "no" to unwanted touching.

  • Let your child know that he or she can say "no" to being touched by anyone, even a family member who hugs or kisses your child in a way your child does not like.
  • Teach your child that if someone tries to touch his or her private areas, wants to look at private parts, or wants to show them pictures of private parts, tell a trusted adult as soon as possible.
  • Watch for signs of bullying by an older child. Sexual bullies may make sexual comments, threaten to do unwanted sexual acts, or do unwanted touching such as snapping a bra strap.
  • If a child tells you that he or she has been touched in a way that made your child uncomfortable, take it seriously.

Screen babysitters and day care providers.

  • If your sitter is an older child or young adult, talk with the sitter's parents to get a sense of how responsible he or she is. Ask for references and check them.
  • Let the sitter know that your child does not keep secrets from you.
  • Talk with the sitter and your child when you return about how their time together went.
  • Select daycare and other programs that have a parent “open door” policy. Drop in without warning to see how things are going.

Screen day care centers and preschools.

  • Observe your child at the day-care center or preschool.
  • Ask for references and check them.
  • Make sure that you can visit the center or preschool at any time without making an appointment.
  • Talk with other parents whose children attend the center or preschool.
  • Make sure you know about planned outings before they happen.

Screen your child’s internet and phone use.

  • Offenders may lure your child using the internet or phone. Set clear, firm guidelines with your child for using the computer and phone.
  • Teach your child not to give out an email address, home address, or phone number to strangers. This is especially true for internet contacts.
  • Make sure your child knows to tell you about any strange or troubling emails, text messages, social media exchanges, instant messages, or phone calls your child receives.

Be involved with your child’s life.

  • Get involved with your child’s activities. Find out about group leaders, coaches, and other people who work with your child. Attend activities with your child whenever possible.
  • Talk with other parents to find out what they know about the group and the leaders.
  • Ask your child about any activities and if the activity was fun.

Talk with your child about sexual abuse.

It is not always easy to discuss sexual issues with your child, but it is important to have these talks. It’s a way for you to help protect your child. Gear your explanation to your child's age. Answer your child's questions about anything your child doesn’t understand.

  • Use the right words.
    • Make clear what you mean by words and phrases such as "hurt," "get into trouble," or "fool around."
    • Teach your child the correct names for sexual body parts such as the penis and vagina. If you use the term "private parts," make sure that both you and your child know what private parts are.
  • Avoid confusion between healthy sex and sexual abuse.
    • Do not talk about healthy sex and sexual abuse at the same time.
    • Help your child understand what healthy sex is. Define healthy sex as touching that both people want and that is only for adults.
    • It is best not to talk about good touch and bad touch, because your child may think a bad touch is only something that hurts such as scraping a knee. Define sexual abuse as the kind of touching that your child does not want, does not understand, or cannot consent to. Sexual abuse also includes seeing dirty pictures or social media comments that make your child uncomfortable. Tell your child to tell you if anyone asks your child to do anything that makes your child feel “funny,” “yucky,” or “icky.”
    • Talk about what sexual touch is such as if someone tries to touch your vulva or penis without your permission. Explain that your child has the right to say no, even if that person is an adult.
    • Be specific. This will make it less frightening and confusing such as someone rubbing up against your child or undressing or taking pictures without your child’s permission.
    • Make sure that your child knows that sexual abuse is not likely to happen and that most adults and older children are good people.
  • Talk about who.
    • Make sure your child knows that it is OK to say no to anything that makes your child uncomfortable, even if it is a family member or friend. Tell your child that even nice people can do bad things.
    • Help your child find ways to greet people in a comfortable way. Explain to family members and friends that you child may not want to be kissed or hugged.
    • Caution your child about anyone who tries to bribe your child to do something. For example, "I'll let you watch TV if you undress for me and don't tell."
    • Explain that it may be a person who threatens or tries to scare your child. For example, "If you don't lie down with me, I'll hit your sister."
  • Talk about secrets.
    • Let your child know he or she should not keep secrets from you. Explain the difference between a scary secret about something "bad," and a surprise about something "good."
    • Reassure your child that he or she can tell you if anything bad happens and that your child won’t get in trouble. Help your child feel safe and protected.
    • Tell your child that sexual abuse is NEVER the child's fault.
Developed by Change Healthcare.
Pediatric Advisor 2022.2 published by Change Healthcare.
Last modified: 2021-07-27
Last reviewed: 2018-10-02
This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to change as new health information becomes available. The information is intended to inform and educate and is not a replacement for medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.
© 2022 Change Healthcare LLC and/or one of its subsidiaries
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