The Head and the Heart: Coping with Grief During the Holidays

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, family gatherings and celebrations. But for those who are grieving, it can feel especially painful. Whether it is the first holiday without a loved one or many years have passed, the absence can feel amplified amid the festivities.

According to Vicky Bibler, a Licensed Certified Social Worker with Valley View’s Eagle Valley Family Practice, grief and joy can coexist. It is possible to honor your loss while still finding moments of peace and connection. “Loneliness is heightened during the holiday season,” Bibler explains. “It may be because that person filled a void or it’s another reminder of less support in their lives.”

She encourages people to acknowledge the complex emotions that often arise during this time. You do not have to pretend to be cheerful if you are not, she says. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up, whether it is sadness, anger, guilt or even brief moments of happiness. “That whole first year after losing someone is a year full of firsts,” she says. “Grief is work, and every time you cry, that’s work too,” Bibler adds. “I never want anyone to avoid feeling that sadness. It’s a healthy form of grief, and that is the work of grief.”

Being gentle with yourself is essential, she says. Many people find themselves reflecting on how things used to be or how they wish they were different. Bibler encourages individuals to accept that this season will be different.

Planning ahead can also help. Anticipating the emotional ups and downs of the holidays can prevent them from catching you off guard. “Honor that loved one and that loved one’s memory,” she says. Creating new rituals can be a meaningful way to cope. Light a candle in their memory, prepare their favorite dish, speak to them out loud or write them a letter. These small acts can foster a sense of connection while also allowing space for healing. “Keep it as simple as you need, and then plan one new thing, too.”

It's also important to remember that you do not have to face grieving alone during the holidays. Reaching out to friends, family or support groups can make a difference. Bibler leads a grief support group in Eagle, where people can share their experiences and feel understood. “Grief groups can help you feel ‘normal’ in your grief. It’s validating,” she says.

Self-care is another important part of navigating grief. Bibler recommends daily physical activity, such as 30 minutes of exercise, to support both physical and mental well-being.

Vicky emphasizes that there is no single correct way to grieve, and no rules for how you should feel during the holidays. If you want to celebrate, that is okay. If you prefer to skip the festivities, that’s also valid. Give yourself permission to do what feels right for you.

And if your grief becomes overwhelming, one can consider speaking with a therapist or grief counselor. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Professionals can offer tools and support to help you through the season and beyond.

To learn more about access to Valley View’s behavioral health services, reach out to your Valley View primary care provider at vvh.org/services/primary-care.